so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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