i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize