she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
