Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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