You're so nebulous sometimes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize