I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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