Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You can't motorboat a personality
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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