you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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