i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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