69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
