Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
