And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
