i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
