Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
