If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
