God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
