i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
