Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
