pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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