Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
