Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
