sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
