I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
