...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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