Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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