Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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