It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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