YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
