nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
