listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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