I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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