my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The power of my boobs compel you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize