To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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