Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
