Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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