All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
