So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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