You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
