Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
