he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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