you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize