I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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