i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
