His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
