he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
