i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Terrible idea I love it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
