The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
