i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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