I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
