so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
