I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize