Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I deserve this hangover.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
