You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
