WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
