my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
