No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize