I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
