I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
