If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
