I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize