This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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