Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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