and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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