Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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