it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
