I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
