You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
