There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
