Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
