My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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