I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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