What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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