My friends, they love my intelligence
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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