is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
