I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
