I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We smell like vodka and hangover
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