So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize