I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
