After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My life is pants optional.
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