ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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