I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize