Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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