So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize