she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
